Last Saturday night was another Renaissance meeting followed by another installment of Angela's Laptop Lounge. http://www.tgatl2.tv/
I live for the third weekend of the month which is when these happen. It's usually the only time I get to be Sophie. Externally anyway. I fret over what to wear. Which shoes? Unlike most gurls, it's not like I have much of a choice- my wardrobe isn't huge. But it's still fun.
Then there's seeing the gurls. These are people who understand me without question. We share a secret- yet most of us know so little about each other. We stand on the fringe of society, but it's our fringe. We are happy here.
So last night was payback time. I usually spend waaaayy too much money at laptop. This time it seems everyone wanted to return the favor. At the same time. I had a wonderful time drinking with them.
And drinking
And drinking.
Dont get me wrong- I enjoy drinking. In my drab life, I am known for it. I was in a fraternity in college as well. I was a bartender. So I know drinking.
So there I was- in a red dress, well made up... and Drunk.
How did I know? Well when people keep asking me "Are you ok?" I took that as a hint to stop. Not soon enough though.
I was driven back to the room at Motel 6, where I made my usual drinking night decision and stuck my fingers down my throat.
Glamourous, right?
So why am I writing about this? I am very disappointed in myself. I have only ever been really drunk twice as Sophie (counting that night). I guess I hold myself to a higher standard when I am dressed. I want to be a better person. I want to be a Lady. Sophie does not get shit faced. Oh I will have drinks, yes. But I usually stop.
So why not just be that way all the time? Good question. Is it because I think I'm better as a woman? Is it because of all the effort I put in to be Sophie? I really don't know. I asked my therapist and she didn't know. Well it's not like she's a mind reader.
This week I will be at the Empire conference in Albany. I look forward to being in a skirt for 4 days and seeing friends and meeting new people. And I will drink. And I want to be strong. Because Sophie MUST be strong. She has no choice.
I live for the third weekend of the month which is when these happen. It's usually the only time I get to be Sophie. Externally anyway. I fret over what to wear. Which shoes? Unlike most gurls, it's not like I have much of a choice- my wardrobe isn't huge. But it's still fun.
Then there's seeing the gurls. These are people who understand me without question. We share a secret- yet most of us know so little about each other. We stand on the fringe of society, but it's our fringe. We are happy here.
So last night was payback time. I usually spend waaaayy too much money at laptop. This time it seems everyone wanted to return the favor. At the same time. I had a wonderful time drinking with them.
And drinking
And drinking.
Dont get me wrong- I enjoy drinking. In my drab life, I am known for it. I was in a fraternity in college as well. I was a bartender. So I know drinking.
So there I was- in a red dress, well made up... and Drunk.
How did I know? Well when people keep asking me "Are you ok?" I took that as a hint to stop. Not soon enough though.
I was driven back to the room at Motel 6, where I made my usual drinking night decision and stuck my fingers down my throat.
Glamourous, right?
So why am I writing about this? I am very disappointed in myself. I have only ever been really drunk twice as Sophie (counting that night). I guess I hold myself to a higher standard when I am dressed. I want to be a better person. I want to be a Lady. Sophie does not get shit faced. Oh I will have drinks, yes. But I usually stop.
So why not just be that way all the time? Good question. Is it because I think I'm better as a woman? Is it because of all the effort I put in to be Sophie? I really don't know. I asked my therapist and she didn't know. Well it's not like she's a mind reader.
This week I will be at the Empire conference in Albany. I look forward to being in a skirt for 4 days and seeing friends and meeting new people. And I will drink. And I want to be strong. Because Sophie MUST be strong. She has no choice.
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